Sex and the Single Girl
‘Awww come on, you’re just saying that.’
‘Why would you want to do a thing like that?’
‘Oh, that’s for now, you’ll come around soon.’
This is the type of response that usually greets my declaration that I have decided to take a break from the world of serious relationships. Some people are shocked, appalled and look visibly pained as they try to wrap their minds around the idea that a 21 year old female might actually choose to live life untethered to significant other for a bit.
Some folks seem to have been so conditioned by society’s insistence on the merits of coupledom that they have come to regard anyone who actively chooses to be single for a period of time as a hopelessly deluded pariah. I have heard every argument from ‘wanting to be single is unnatural’ to ‘all women who say this are yearning for a man and just do not want to admit it’ and each argument is more nauseatingly flawed than the last.
Now, to avoid the wrath of indignant couples, let me make this clear that this is not an anti-relationship blog. I genuinely like the idea of relationships. A beautiful union is a blessing indeed and I in no way dispute that fact. I simply want to address this pervading mentality that singledom, in contrast, is a negative state of existence and that anyone who desires it is inherently disturbed. I believe that living a sensible life entails knowing what is right for you at any given time, despite the opinions of others, and being single vs. being hitched falls smack-dab into this category.
So lots of debate has been going lately on the topic and these are some of the themes that seem to recur.
Women who want to be single must be bitter.
Are people really so simplistic as to think that all women who wish to be single are bitter and jaded? What is this…1920? I have no doubt that some women certainly are bitter. But really, is it so difficult to conceive that women might want to enjoy the merits of flying solo sometimes? To be perfectly honest, I would say that I have been pretty lucky in love. I’ve faced the usual challenges over the years, but I would not say that anything so horrendous has ever happened to me that has made me want to run screaming from penis for the rest of my life. Moral: not all of ladies who cheer on singledom are bitter. Some are quite sweet actually…well, not really sweet per se, I’ve been told it tastes more like…*ahem* moving on…
Relationships always enhance existence.
No…good relationships can enhance life. I think it is quite sad for people to stay in situations that are fraught with constant arguments (read: big, nasty, bashy fights complete with cursing stink, slamming down phones and stopping cars and telling people to get out) simply because they think that being in a relationship is always ‘better’ than being single. So a person has a significant other and everyday (s)he is crying to friends, cursing over the latest ‘issue’ that has arisen, enduring unhealthy emotional games and taking Tylenol for headaches, not to mention the pain in the ass … but insists that single life must be worse. Sure, that makes perfect sense.
Good relationships are effort free
I disagree. In my view, all relationships take effort, regardless of how blissful they are. They take time, energy and emotional investment and can be very tiring. They require compromise, constant consideration for the feelings of another and the factoring of another’s wishes when making decisions. Even in the best of relationships, there is stress and bruised emotions. One moment all is well. The next minute one partner is being moody and distant, or someone is not calling when they say they will and tears are being shed. The point is that even the smoothest waters can get very rough at times, and sometimes people just do not feel like they have the emotional energy to battle the bad that must come with the good.
Again, let me say that I am not overlooking the merits of relationships. Indeed, some of the best moments of my life have involved a guy and my fluttering heart *giggle*. The thing to note is that both ways of living have their merits and their challenges. Depending on the place you are in life, one path definitely makes more sense. What bothers me is how quick people are to assume that being single is always an inferior way to live, especially where women are concerned. There are plenty of excellent reasons a person might want to be committed, but they are also many why (s)he may choose not to be. It incenses me how rapidly people classify single women as abnormal, and try to convince them of their need for a relationship.
So I’m on a single kick for a bit! Yaaay! Goodness knows how long it will last. Hehehe, my friends have their doubts, and to be honest, I can see why *giggle*. This blog extends beyond me and my life though. It is more about my displeasure with value judgements and assumptions people make about single vs. hitched life, some of which have some awfully sexist undertones.
I gotta admit tho, for a girl who has never been to war, I seem to have a pretty bad case of … ahahahaha!
‘Awww come on, you’re just saying that.’
‘Why would you want to do a thing like that?’
‘Oh, that’s for now, you’ll come around soon.’
This is the type of response that usually greets my declaration that I have decided to take a break from the world of serious relationships. Some people are shocked, appalled and look visibly pained as they try to wrap their minds around the idea that a 21 year old female might actually choose to live life untethered to significant other for a bit.
Some folks seem to have been so conditioned by society’s insistence on the merits of coupledom that they have come to regard anyone who actively chooses to be single for a period of time as a hopelessly deluded pariah. I have heard every argument from ‘wanting to be single is unnatural’ to ‘all women who say this are yearning for a man and just do not want to admit it’ and each argument is more nauseatingly flawed than the last.
Now, to avoid the wrath of indignant couples, let me make this clear that this is not an anti-relationship blog. I genuinely like the idea of relationships. A beautiful union is a blessing indeed and I in no way dispute that fact. I simply want to address this pervading mentality that singledom, in contrast, is a negative state of existence and that anyone who desires it is inherently disturbed. I believe that living a sensible life entails knowing what is right for you at any given time, despite the opinions of others, and being single vs. being hitched falls smack-dab into this category.
So lots of debate has been going lately on the topic and these are some of the themes that seem to recur.
Women who want to be single must be bitter.
Are people really so simplistic as to think that all women who wish to be single are bitter and jaded? What is this…1920? I have no doubt that some women certainly are bitter. But really, is it so difficult to conceive that women might want to enjoy the merits of flying solo sometimes? To be perfectly honest, I would say that I have been pretty lucky in love. I’ve faced the usual challenges over the years, but I would not say that anything so horrendous has ever happened to me that has made me want to run screaming from penis for the rest of my life. Moral: not all of ladies who cheer on singledom are bitter. Some are quite sweet actually…well, not really sweet per se, I’ve been told it tastes more like…*ahem* moving on…
Relationships always enhance existence.
No…good relationships can enhance life. I think it is quite sad for people to stay in situations that are fraught with constant arguments (read: big, nasty, bashy fights complete with cursing stink, slamming down phones and stopping cars and telling people to get out) simply because they think that being in a relationship is always ‘better’ than being single. So a person has a significant other and everyday (s)he is crying to friends, cursing over the latest ‘issue’ that has arisen, enduring unhealthy emotional games and taking Tylenol for headaches, not to mention the pain in the ass … but insists that single life must be worse. Sure, that makes perfect sense.
Good relationships are effort free
I disagree. In my view, all relationships take effort, regardless of how blissful they are. They take time, energy and emotional investment and can be very tiring. They require compromise, constant consideration for the feelings of another and the factoring of another’s wishes when making decisions. Even in the best of relationships, there is stress and bruised emotions. One moment all is well. The next minute one partner is being moody and distant, or someone is not calling when they say they will and tears are being shed. The point is that even the smoothest waters can get very rough at times, and sometimes people just do not feel like they have the emotional energy to battle the bad that must come with the good.
Again, let me say that I am not overlooking the merits of relationships. Indeed, some of the best moments of my life have involved a guy and my fluttering heart *giggle*. The thing to note is that both ways of living have their merits and their challenges. Depending on the place you are in life, one path definitely makes more sense. What bothers me is how quick people are to assume that being single is always an inferior way to live, especially where women are concerned. There are plenty of excellent reasons a person might want to be committed, but they are also many why (s)he may choose not to be. It incenses me how rapidly people classify single women as abnormal, and try to convince them of their need for a relationship.
So I’m on a single kick for a bit! Yaaay! Goodness knows how long it will last. Hehehe, my friends have their doubts, and to be honest, I can see why *giggle*. This blog extends beyond me and my life though. It is more about my displeasure with value judgements and assumptions people make about single vs. hitched life, some of which have some awfully sexist undertones.
I gotta admit tho, for a girl who has never been to war, I seem to have a pretty bad case of … ahahahaha!
posted by marie @ 4:51 PM
14 comments
