We Want Prenup! We Want Prenup!

Apart from looking absolutely stunning in some of the best outfits on television, Fran Fine also known as The Nanny is usually highly amusing with her down-to-earth, wisecracking wisdom. On one episode I watched recently, Fran was raking Maxwell over the coals for asking her to sign a prenuptial agreement. The show ended with Maxwell dramatically declaring his love and trust for Fran and then ripping the prenup to shreds.

Now, most people I have encountered say that they would be absolutely furious if their partner asked them to sign a prenup. I disagree. I think the entire ‘signing of the prenup’ has been completely sensationalized and calls to mind images directly from Lifetime movies involving torrid affairs, shattered marriages and sworn declarations amidst wails and tears to rob the former spouse blind. Now, whenever a person is asked to sign a prenup, or one partner suggests getting one drawn up together prior to the marriage, the other partner automatically assumes that he/she is being accused of being a dishonest, thieving Lifetime movie type character.

For some reason, I have never felt this way about prenups. To me, they simply make good business sense. A marriage is a legally binding contract. In most countries, two people can undertake the most elaborate religious ceremonies and recite to each other every sonnet from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but without the proper civil papers, they are still not married. I do not agree that a prenup implies that one partner thinks that the other is dishonest and ‘out to get them’. In that case, I’d like to believe that the marriage would not proceed in the first place!

I think that prenups show a realistic way of thinking. The fact remains that certain laws become more relevant when two people get married - laws regarding ownership of property and other assets and the subsequent division of these assets if the marriage were to end for some reason. Some people simply find it easier to avoid the legal mess that may ensue and simply decide before hand that if things do not work out as planned, division of property may take place in a manner that is a teeny bit cleaner. It does not need to imply that one person thinks the other is a low, scheming thief.

This just leads to the next thing that I find interesting. People consider it completely unfathomable that their marriages could possibly end. Newsflash! Millions of marriages end and, of those that end, I’m willing to bet that those couples all thought they would be “together forever” and they were “not like everybody else” and that “love would conquer all” … til dem dun. I am quite the romantic, believe me. I am all for true loves and soul mates and transcendent unions. I have my dream wedding planned in my head all now, and believe me, it’s absolutely dreamy *swoon*… But the fact remains that no one knows what the future holds, being in relationship with a person is very different from being tethered to them for life and, despite best efforts, millions of marriages crumble for a myriad of reasons. All we can do is follow our hearts and heads, take a leap of faith, work our hardest at the marriage and hope that the sunset remains as beautiful as the day we rode off into it. Unfortunately, the term “happily ever after” does not always apply, and as mature adults it makes sense to prepare for all eventualities. I don't see it as "setting things up for failure", I see it as logically realising that in an imperfect world like this one, the marriage could fail.

If asked, the average person would find it unwise to tattoo their partner’s name on their bodies. Why? Because when it all comes down to it, people KNOW that relationships are uncertain and do not want to spend life with ‘Mary loves Joe’ on their right bicep. Why on earth then would Mary run the risk of paying Joe half her salary every month?

If my future husband and I work together on a prenup and then get divorced, we will be glad that we have one. If we stay happily married, we have something to read for kix when we turn 95 in the afterglow of hot sex. No harm, no foul. The way I see it, I’d rather have one and not need it, than be plunged head first into the post-marital legal mess and wishing there existed some agreement to make the division of assets easier and mutually agreeable. I figure divorces are unpleasant enough already without adding constant fights over who gets what.

Yes, prenups can be contested. Yes, they do not guarantee a conflict free division of property. Yes, the degree of enforceability varies widely depending on the country. Yes, they do not magically usurp laws that are already in place. They do not provide answers to legal answers to every possible divorce ill. But the fact remains that in some situations they can be very useful. Sure prenups may not be for all folks, but I really do not see why people automatically act as though they are the most evil of all documents ever created.

Now about my wedding dress! It will be a beautiful corset top, all laced up in the back with a silver lace and a nice flowing skirt, both with delicate embroidery. My hair will be … *wonders of into daydreams*